After Child Loss
We extend our deepest condolences on the heartbreaking loss of your child. We understand that the following days will be overwhelming, and while words might seem inadequate, we hope this guide offers some solace and assistance during this difficult time.
Following Your Loss
It's natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions after your loss, with feelings of being overwhelmed often at the forefront. Decisions about medical care and final arrangements can be challenging during this time.
Immediately Following the Death
Autopsy
An autopsy is a medical examination of the body of a person who has died. The purpose of an autopsy is to answer questions about the person’s illness or the cause of death. Autopsies help advance medical science by allowing doctors and scientists to better understand many kinds of disease and accident-related injuries.
For many families, information from an autopsy can bring closure; but for some families, an autopsy can be a difficult decision and may seem unnecessary. Rest assured that whether an autopsy has been performed or not, you and your child will always be treated with the utmost dignity and respect.
Specially trained physicians called pathologists perform autopsies. This procedure typically takes place in a Morgue. Families may request that certain parts of the body remain untouched, which is called a partial or limited autopsy. Autopsies are typically performed soon after the person has died and do not typically delay the funeral arrangements.
Around the time of death, a member of the care team will ask the patient’s parent/legal next of kin to sign a form giving or denying permission for an autopsy. In the case of a suspicious or sudden death, an autopsy may be required by law.
For many families, information from an autopsy can bring closure; but for some families, an autopsy can be a difficult decision and may seem unnecessary. Rest assured that whether an autopsy has been performed or not, you and your child will always be treated with the utmost dignity and respect.
Specially trained physicians called pathologists perform autopsies. This procedure typically takes place in a Morgue. Families may request that certain parts of the body remain untouched, which is called a partial or limited autopsy. Autopsies are typically performed soon after the person has died and do not typically delay the funeral arrangements.
Around the time of death, a member of the care team will ask the patient’s parent/legal next of kin to sign a form giving or denying permission for an autopsy. In the case of a suspicious or sudden death, an autopsy may be required by law.
Autopsy Results
A final pathology autopsy report may take up from a few weeks to months due to the detailed studies performed on tissue samples and blood. These reports are not automatically sent to the family but can be provided if requested by a parent/legal next of kin. It can be very helpful to meet with a medical provider to review the autopsy report. These reports are very medical and scientific in nature which can be difficult to read about your loved child.
Tissue and Organ donation
Organ donation is the process of removing an organ from one person and surgically placing it in another person. There are specific criteria for organ and tissue donations, and the donation process typically happens immediately after death. If you wish for your child to be an organ or tissue donor, please let your doctor or nurse know right away.
For many, making this decision is likely very difficult. Please be assured that there is no wrong or right answer. The choice to donate or not to donate is deeply personal and completely an individual choice.
For many, making this decision is likely very difficult. Please be assured that there is no wrong or right answer. The choice to donate or not to donate is deeply personal and completely an individual choice.
Final Arrangements Planning
Every family's way of coping and choosing final arrangements after the loss of a child is unique. Here are some options, keeping in mind that available choices can sometimes depend on the gestational age and the circumstances of the loss. Consider discussing these with loved ones; collective decisions can be comforting during these times.
Choices for Arranging for Burial or Cremation
You and your family have options to consider:
Funeral
You may make private arrangements and work with a funeral home to have a service of your choosing. Many funeral homes provide discounted services to families when making arrangements for babies.
When you call a funeral home, you will likely speak with a Funeral Director. This person is obligated by law to provide you prices over the phone. It is not unloving to compare prices or to limit services provided by the funeral home if cost is a concern for your family.
You may make private arrangements and work with a funeral home of your choosing, having cremation or burial based on your personal beliefs and wishes. Many funeral homes provide discounted services to families when making arrangements for an early loss. Funeral Directors also often know about local resources and may be able to provide direction on seeking this financial support.
Have the following information and items available for the Funeral Director:
If you cannot afford a funeral, we can help cover the costs for you through one of the funeral homes in our network. If you do need financial assistance, please apply for Funeral Assistance.
When you call a funeral home, you will likely speak with a Funeral Director. This person is obligated by law to provide you prices over the phone. It is not unloving to compare prices or to limit services provided by the funeral home if cost is a concern for your family.
You may make private arrangements and work with a funeral home of your choosing, having cremation or burial based on your personal beliefs and wishes. Many funeral homes provide discounted services to families when making arrangements for an early loss. Funeral Directors also often know about local resources and may be able to provide direction on seeking this financial support.
Have the following information and items available for the Funeral Director:
- Full name of your child
- Parents’ full names and maiden names if applicable
- Social security number
- Place of birth
If you cannot afford a funeral, we can help cover the costs for you through one of the funeral homes in our network. If you do need financial assistance, please apply for Funeral Assistance.
CremationS
A cremation is the burning of the remains into ashes. The ashes are returned to the family in a container provided by the family, funeral home, or crematory. Some families choose to keep the remains while others prefer to bury or release them at a favorite place or spiritual location.
A direct cremation is often the easiest and least expensive option (if there is even a charge) for a family. The body is transported directly to the crematory from the hospital and does not go to the funeral home. A funeral director is required for this arrangement since the body still has to be transported and the death certificate needs to be filed. This choice eliminates the cost of visitation, embalming, casket, and a cemetery plot. A cremation may also take place after the body has been viewed by family and friends at the funeral home.
Pierced Forever can help you find a place that will provide cremation at little or no charge to the family. If you cannot afford this, we can cover these cremation costs for you (just apply for Funeral Assistance and specify this need).
A direct cremation is often the easiest and least expensive option (if there is even a charge) for a family. The body is transported directly to the crematory from the hospital and does not go to the funeral home. A funeral director is required for this arrangement since the body still has to be transported and the death certificate needs to be filed. This choice eliminates the cost of visitation, embalming, casket, and a cemetery plot. A cremation may also take place after the body has been viewed by family and friends at the funeral home.
Pierced Forever can help you find a place that will provide cremation at little or no charge to the family. If you cannot afford this, we can cover these cremation costs for you (just apply for Funeral Assistance and specify this need).
BurialS
You may make private arrangements and work with a funeral home of your choosing.
A burial is a ceremonial act of burying the deceased person who is buried in a casket, wrapped in a shroud (cloth), or cremated and buried in an urn. Caskets are the most costly, urn are the least expensive. The amount you spend does not speak to the amount of love you have for your child. You can discuss options with your funeral director or somebody at the Pierced Forever Foundation.
Simple burials in a cemetery that has a memorial garden are typically offered at little or no charge to families who have lost a child. Simple burial means that the cemetery staff prepares the burial plot, places the burial box in the plot and covers the plot but there is no ceremony for the burial. Some families who choose to be present may recite a poem, read a spiritual piece or say some loving words. Some families also choose to leave mementos at the burial site. Families are usually not able to select the location as burial plots are pre-arranged to keep costs down. Burials can occur with or without family present and a temporary marker is placed at the burial site.
While there is little charge for this simple burial, some families choose to have a permanent grave marker, which is a cost to the family arranged directly with the cemetery.
Pierced Forever can help you find a place that will provide the burial at little or no charge to the family. If you cannot afford this, we can cover these cremation costs for you (just apply for Funeral Assistance and specify this need).
A burial is a ceremonial act of burying the deceased person who is buried in a casket, wrapped in a shroud (cloth), or cremated and buried in an urn. Caskets are the most costly, urn are the least expensive. The amount you spend does not speak to the amount of love you have for your child. You can discuss options with your funeral director or somebody at the Pierced Forever Foundation.
Simple burials in a cemetery that has a memorial garden are typically offered at little or no charge to families who have lost a child. Simple burial means that the cemetery staff prepares the burial plot, places the burial box in the plot and covers the plot but there is no ceremony for the burial. Some families who choose to be present may recite a poem, read a spiritual piece or say some loving words. Some families also choose to leave mementos at the burial site. Families are usually not able to select the location as burial plots are pre-arranged to keep costs down. Burials can occur with or without family present and a temporary marker is placed at the burial site.
While there is little charge for this simple burial, some families choose to have a permanent grave marker, which is a cost to the family arranged directly with the cemetery.
Pierced Forever can help you find a place that will provide the burial at little or no charge to the family. If you cannot afford this, we can cover these cremation costs for you (just apply for Funeral Assistance and specify this need).
Funeral and memorial planning
Funerals and memorial services are rituals used to provide an opportunity for family and friends to help say goodbye. Rituals can help guide us when we don’t know what to say or do and helps us acknowledge that the death is real. Rituals can also provide an opportunity for family and friends to share memories so that healing can begin. If you find the process too overwhelming, enlist the help of friends, other family members, or reach out to us at Pierced Forever Foundation to find somebody who can assist you with the arrangements and can help you decide how much or how little you and your family want to participate in the actual funeral or memorial service.
obituaries
When you meet with the funeral director, you may be asked about publishing an obituary. This is something you and your family may write or something the funeral director will write from the information you share about your child. There are also many online memorial websites (this can be done on your own) where friends and family from near and far can pay their respects and send messages of love and support. It is not necessary to decide immediately if you want to publish an obituary in the newspaper or online, you can decide this with your own timeframe.
Medical Information
Financial Concerns
Funeral costs can vary, and they often come as an unexpected expense. If you find that covering the cost is challenging, here are some suggestions:
FUNERAL HOME
The funeral director may be able to work out a payment schedule for you. In addition, many funeral homes will offer very discounted rates for their services when a child has died, so it can be very helpful to ask regardless of your financial need.
family, friends and community
Contact family and friends, as well as clergy from local religious institutions, co-workers, community groups, or even a medical related support group to let them know of your need. Some families utilize online crowdfunding platforms to raise money for a funeral.
INSURANCE POLICIES
If you have purchased a life insurance policy for your child, you may use these funds to pay for funeral expenses. Sometimes the funeral home will consider this for payment of services even if the money is not yet available.
PIERCED FOREVER FOUNDATION
If you would like to talk more about your options and ways that we can help lift the financial burden of burial costs, please complete the Request Assistance form and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
For ongoing questions and concerns before, during, and after the death of a loved one do not hesitate to call or email us.
For ongoing questions and concerns before, during, and after the death of a loved one do not hesitate to call or email us.
Death Certificate
The funeral director is responsible for filing the death certificate. They'll assist you in the process and advise on the number of copies you might need. While there's a fee for the certified death certificate, it's often more cost-effective to obtain them directly from the funeral home instead of the County Clerk's office later on.
We're In This Together
We understand that no words or actions can truly alleviate the pain of losing a child. However, please know that you are not alone in this journey. The Pierced Forever Foundation, along with a community of parents and supporters, stands with you during this difficult time. Reach out whenever you need – whether it's for assistance, a listening ear, or simply to share your child's story. Remember, love never ends, and memories live on forever. Our heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you.